{"id":723,"date":"2018-11-22T17:58:38","date_gmt":"2018-11-22T17:58:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/aboutpedophilia.com\/?p=723"},"modified":"2018-11-22T17:58:38","modified_gmt":"2018-11-22T17:58:38","slug":"ppodcast-transcript-dillon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/aboutpedophilia.com\/2018\/11\/22\/ppodcast-transcript-dillon\/","title":{"rendered":"TGPP Transcript: Dillon"},"content":{"rendered":"

Note: This podcast was transcribed by David<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Original audio.<\/a><\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Welcome to the prevention podcast, I’m your host, Candice Christiansen. Our goal, at the prevention podcast, is to talk about dicey, controversial issues related to preventing sexual abuse. Why? Because it needs to be said. Topics include the biology of pedophilia, risk, need and responsivity principles related to non-contact and contact sex offenders, researchers in the field of sex offender treatment, and more.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Join us bi-weekly, and let’s talk about it.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Hello everybody, I\u2019m Candice, and I am the host of the Prevention Podcast. We are doing a series of interviews talking with different anti-contact pedophiles across the globe, and I\u2019m really excited today to be talking to Dillon, who has agreed to be on our podcast, so welcome, Dillon.Dillon:<\/p>\n

Thank you very much. Happy to be here.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Yeah, I\u2019m so happy you\u2019re here. I just want to ask you some questions that I think are hot-ticket items, if you will, that I think our global community is always curious about. I know I am, and especially the research world. I think a lot of times we guess on what we think about people that have pedophilia, and so it\u2019s really an honor to have you actually sitting here with me, especially since you\u2019re an anti-contact pedophile. So I just want to acknowledge that.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Yeah, I think it\u2019s important to acknowledge.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

What does the term \u201canti-contact pedophile\u201d mean to you?<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

I think it\u2019s pretty cut and dry, between pro- and anti-contact. I think anti-contact is just simply you acknowledge that you have these attractions to children, but you\u2019re not willing to act on them, because you see the problems it can cause, and morally you know it\u2019s wrong. And obviously, you know there\u2019s legal repercussions as well. But I think, with an anti-contact pedophile, the morals are more what play into it.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Okay. How long have you known you were attracted to children?<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

That\u2019s an interesting question, because looking back on it, I think when I was like 11 or 12 I started to notice some kind of difference, where like I would be at school, and I would see different kids who I thought were attractive. But I didn\u2019t recognize it as being an \u201cattraction,\u201d or anything sexual at the time. It was just my desire to reach out to them and be friends with them. But I think the first realization I really had of it when I was about 17 years old. I had been reading stories online, like erotic stories, that made it kind of obvious to me that I was attracted to children indeed. But I was in denial. So then, when I was 17, I remember seeing a kid and thinking \u201coh man, that kid\u2019s really attractive.\u201d And that\u2019s when it really hit me really hard, and I was like, \u201coh no.\u201d<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Wow, okay. So when you say, \u201coh, no,\u201d what was the impact to you? Like, \u201coh, no,\u201d because\u2026<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Well the thing I thought was, \u201cI\u2019m one of those people.\u201d Who likes kids, like I have this urge and can I control that? I don\u2019t know if I can. Being at that young age, I didn\u2019t have complete faith in myself.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

And, how would you say your attraction to children has impacted your life?<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So, I would say it\u2019s definitely impacted my life. I\u2019ve kind of tried to confront it, and I went into a pretty dark depression for a while. And that was something I hadn\u2019t really experienced before. That\u2019s one way it affected my life. It\u2019s also caused me to second guess a lot of things. Like, if I\u2019m ever going to do some volunteer work with kids, or something like that, sometimes it makes me question myself, which I think is a good thing. But it also makes me anxious about what other people might think, who I\u2019ve told. So I really have to be honest with myself, and ask myself those hard questions. Like, am I going to volunteer with kids because I want to, or because there\u2019s something else in my mind?<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

And then how do you, when you\u2019re asking yourself those questions, how do you keep yourself accountable? What kinds of support do you have in place so that you do stay safe?<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Right, so, I have a lot of friends who I talk to pretty frequently, and a lot of friends who I really trust, and who I\u2019m out to about this. And they\u2019ll ask me how the volunteer work I do is going. I\u2019m also going to a therapy group, with a bunch of people who are also attracted to minors, and they help keep me accountable as well, where basically every time I go there, it\u2019s maybe not quite expected that I\u2019ll talk about it, but you know it kind of is in some ways.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

So, being accountable, checking in, making sure that you\u2019re being safe, so that if you are volunteering, that you are keeping yourself in check, and you\u2019ve got the support and the therapy to do that.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Exactly.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Because, the goal at the end of the day is to make sure children is safe, right? Safe from harm.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Absolutely.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Yeah, okay, great. What do you want the world to know about pedophilia and\/or minor attraction?<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

So, like you said at the beginning that people kind of assume or guess a lot of times about pedophilia, a lot of times I think they\u2019ll assume that any pedophile is a bad pedophile, you know? That any pedophile is someone who molests children, or is constantly downloading child pornography or whatever, and has all this malicious intent. And I guess I just want the world to know that that\u2019s not the case. There\u2019s a lot of people out there who are attracted to children, but they realize that it\u2019s morally wrong, you know, and that they don\u2019t want to hurt a child like that. And I think there\u2019s a lot of, for me it\u2019s not all physical, the attraction. A lot of it is emotional. And I don\u2019t think people know that either. I think that the desire to connect with a child doesn\u2019t have to be sexual, you know? It can be very much emotional.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

So for you, what you find yourself drawn to sometimes is the emotional connection with a child, more so than even than the sexual.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Absolutely.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Yeah, and I think that\u2019s a great point to get out into the world. Because there is that assumption that pedophile equals child molester. And what we\u2019re finding, at least in the research, is now that there are biological underpinnings that say, wow, it might actually be sexual orientation, over this sort of \u201coh, you know, I wake up and I choose to be attracted to children,\u201d right?<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Right.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Okay. So we believe that aspects of pedophilia, and we\u2019ve talked about this, can be a sexual orientation like we talked about. But we\u2019ve also had many, many individuals say that they had something, a traumatic experience happen in their life where they had that arrested development. So for instance, something happened at 6, or something happened at 10, and so that also has impacted them, and they\u2019ve found that in their attraction, and I\u2019m just curious what your experience has been, if anything related to that.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Right, so I agree. It can be a sexual orientation. But I also think that it can be childhood trauma. And maybe it could even be both of them combined. But, in my experience, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a sexual orientation at this point. I\u2019ve thought that before, but going to therapy has sort of helped me to realize, because my mom died when I was 10 years old, and really looking back on that, I\u2019ve seen that I repressed a lot of emotion at that age. And you know, in some ways, I grew up too fast because of it. And I feel like that has definitely affected who I am now, and the attractions I have. And I feel like part of it is because I went through that emotional trauma, that traumatic event in my life has led me to have that desire to connect with kids.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

So I think it\u2019s really important that you said, you know, you felt like it was sexual orientation, and now what you\u2019re realizing, and maybe it\u2019s both, and I think we see that as well, so often that people have sexual orientation towards a child and they\u2019ll also report having a traumatic incident occur in their life, where they did get stunted. Like you said, mom dies at 10, and then what I\u2019m hearing is, \u201cwow, I find myself attracted to that age.\u201d And now that I\u2019m going through that trauma, I\u2019m going, \u201cwait a minute, it\u2019s changing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Right.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Okay. And I thank that\u2019s really important for people to know, especially listeners who are anti-contact pedophiles as well, or even pro-contact pedophiles, who might say, \u201chuh, I\u2019ve never thought about that. I also have had this experience happen, or something traumatic in my childhood to think about.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Yeah. And it\u2019s funny, because like, before, I was very much like, \u201cnah, I think it\u2019s an orientation, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s anything else.\u201d And the reason I thought that way was because I was worried that if I said it wasn\u2019t an orientation, that there would be some therapist who was like, \u201cokay, then we can fix it then.\u201d You know, I didn\u2019t want to go that route, because I really don\u2019t believe in that route.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Yeah, okay. Like the reparative therapy, right?<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Yeah. I didn\u2019t want someone to treat me like I was broken.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Okay, sure. Well, and my guess is, we live in a society that believes pedophilia, and pedophiles are the lowest of the low, right? And so it makes sense that you wouldn\u2019t want to be judged by a therapist.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Right.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

And I think even therapists, I\u2019m a therapist and the reason why I created the prevention project, for instance, and this podcast, is that even therapists can be judging. And so we get a lot of referrals who say, \u201cWe don\u2019t want to treat this individual who has an attraction to a child.\u201d And I say, we will, we\u2019ll provide them with support. And my passion and my emphasis is not to change people who have pedophilia in the sense of \u201creparative therapy.\u201d I do have a number one goal of keeping our society safe, keeping children safe, and I know that you, for instance, as an anti-contact pedophile, have the same goal.<\/p>\n

Dillon: Definitely<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

That you don\u2019t want to harm anyone, especially children.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Yeah. And I\u2019ve even had an experience with a therapist who was totally judgmental. I just had one therapist who basically, he had me in his office, and this was my first therapeutic experience. And he just kind of gave me a questionnaire, and just asked me all these different questions, and his result was that I was at a \u201cmoderate risk factor\u201d to molest a child. And it really annoyed me, and I really felt judged. Like, is that all you see me as? As a risk factor? So I definitely had my own experience of a judgmental therapist.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Well, I appreciate you saying that, because, I see you, I\u2019m looking at you as we\u2019re talking, and you\u2019re a person, sitting in front of me. You\u2019re someone\u2019s son, you may even have a partner. You may even have siblings, you have a mom and a dad, right? You\u2019re a human being, I\u2019m looking at you, you\u2019re not a monster. So I think often times, and this is another reason that we\u2019re doing this podcast, therapists and researchers and scientists and so on, want to assume or judge or lump everyone in categories. People are labels, and they\u2019re numbers, and they\u2019re statistics. And that\u2019s where I\u2019m really passionate about looking at you as a person, and saying, I\u2019m going to ask you the questions. I want to hear from you and I want the world to hear from you.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Absolutely. I really appreciate that.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

What else would you like to share on our podcast? Anything else that you feel like you want the world to know about anti-contact pedophilia?<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

I think maybe that like we said, people really see pedophile and child-molester as interchangeable words. And I feel like a lot of people, and I\u2019ve read some comments online, where people just kind of assume, they\u2019re just like, \u201coh, you\u2019re a pedophile, you must be after children, you must be preying on children. You must have all these malicious intents.\u201d And, I just want the world that you know that we\u2019re on the same boat that they are. We\u2019re trying to prevent it as well. And for that reason, we wouldn\u2019t want to hurt a child. That\u2019s why we\u2019re anti-contact. But, honestly, everybody has their things about them that are just different, and they have to deal with.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Sure. And that\u2019s where, I would say,I think the sexual orientation comes in, where it\u2019s like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m born with this attraction,\u201d right? Because I\u2019m guessing, Dillon, that if you had a choice, that you would prefer to not have this attraction. Like, \u201cI wish I could wake up and say, oh, it\u2019s gone.\u201d And here you have it, and so I think for folks who have been interviewing who have pedophilia, some will say that it feels like a prison sentence.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Right. Well, I mean, having it, I wouldn\u2019t necessarily say that anymore. I mean, sure I\u2019d like to wake up and not be sexually attracted to children, but that\u2019s not going to happen. So I\u2019ve come to this new thought process, new belief about it, where it\u2019s like, this is what it is, and I\u2019m going to do the best I possibly can with it. I\u2019m going to find a way to make it helpful in society, you know? I\u2019m going to make sure I lock down the sexual side of it, and get that out of my head as much as possible.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

And get the support that you need, and the therapeutic guidance, and like you said the peer support, and make sure you\u2019ve got your accountability group to ensure that you are safe.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Exactly. And I\u2019d say that again, I would like to wake up in the morning and not have the sexual side of it, but I would still want the emotional side of it.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Yeah. Well, as human beings, we all are emotional, you know?<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

That\u2019s true.<\/p>\n

Candice: And I think we all can have that emotional connection with a child, and have it be a healthy one. So it\u2019s good that you have the support and awareness around that, and the understanding around that, so you can stay safe and healthy.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

Absolutely.<\/p>\n

Candice: Well, thank you so much for your time today, Dillon, I really appreciate you coming on The Prevention Podcast.<\/p>\n

Dillon:<\/p>\n

No problem. I appreciate you guys doing it, and inviting me.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

You\u2019re so welcome.<\/p>\n

Candice:<\/p>\n

Thank you for listening to this week\u2019s podcast. Please visit http:\/\/theglobalpreventionproject.org\/<\/a><\/u>  to learn more about our project and programs. Please remember to subscribe to our podcast at https:\/\/thepreventionpodcast.com<\/a><\/u> or iTunes. See you next time!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Note: This podcast was transcribed by David. Original audio. Candice: Welcome to the prevention podcast, I’m your host, Candice Christiansen. Our goal, at the prevention podcast, is to talk about dicey, controversial issues related to preventing sexual abuse. Why? Because it needs to be said. 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